Update - 2020 to present

Its been a long time since I last blogged about the update. While 2020 was a tumultuous year with the covid virus, however, it was an enriching year for me. I've learnt more about myself, reviving my childhood interests and confronting my deep seated phobia....

Ting Ting development 

Oh well, she grew so much. She can now hold conversations with us, sharing her views and ideas. She loves to read and her favourite book series is Demon Slayer now. Her previous favourite collections are Dogman, Dork Diaries and Captain Underpants. She also loves to play Minecraft. We allowed her to play 1 hr per day after she completed her homework, housework (e.g. such as watering plants, tiding up her room, folding clothes, making the bed and etc) and other tasks. We use family link app to control her usage. 

Although I am against her playing such mobile games and exposing to mobile gadgets, but I am quite resigned to the fate that it is now the social media and gaming era. Therefore, it is inevitable to get expose or access to the mobile gadgets. Even in school, they are doing online learning already. In fact, through her interest in playing Minecraft, we can also use this as a motivating factor to getting her to do her homework and daily tasks too. 

She can really play Minecraft very well and build her own mansion, farms, treehouse and even trains in her world. I tried to download the game app and played with her also, but somehow, I just can't get it.  It is interesting to see what she built and why she built those things. She is also into Among Us game which I did not allow her to play as that game values (sabotage, imposter, killing each other and etc) do not align with our family values. I don't want her to get expose to such games which do not inculcate good values. Therefore, I have firmly resisted her plead to download the Among Us game. She can only talk about the game with her friends in school as most of them had played the game before. For Minecraft, I am quite ok with it as it promotes her creativity and her interest in designing too. Therefore, that is the only game approved so far. 

As she likes to draw, we had signed her up for art lessons which is nearby our house. She also likes Akkido, so we signed her up for Akkido lessons too. Recently, she started attending the public speaking course which she loves it too as she likes the teacher who is quite an interesting figure who knows very well how to engage the children with excellent communication skills. Knowing how to communicate and speak well is important in this era. These are soft skills which may not be taught in school. 

The only lesson she dislikes is Chinese tuition. So her goal was to get herself out of the Chinese tuition by doing well in her 听写。We had withdrawn her from the Chinese tuition recently as she showed improvement in her Chinese 听写 and school test results. However, it was also made known to her that if she slacks again, we will enroll her back into the Chinese tuition. Hopefully, that will serves as a motivation for her to continue putting in effort to learn her Chinese. So yup, she is now attending 3 enrichment lessons which she likes. Her English and maths are still manageable, so no need tuition yet for now. I believe in grooming my child in her areas of interests but at the same time, balance between the essential. 

She likes to make friends and managed to have some good friends in her class whom she can connect with. They even form a group called "Speeddrawers" which they draw comic books about funny stuff. I am quite happy with her development. She throw lesser tantrums nowadays and more receptive to try out new things.  

Work

Work wise is the same. Busy as ever, but I'm getting better in managing my work stress I think. Despite the heavy workload, but still feeling ok without too overwhelmed. I guess attending the personal development and resiliency (self care) course for my Masters helps me to look into alternatives in managing my stress. 

Studies

I managed to complete and passed my Masters programme in Dec2020! It’s been a long journey for me and I'm thankful to get the chance to attend it. The good thing was I could choose the modules which I like. So studying something I'm interested in and like, do make a difference. I managed to get quite good results which I am feeling thankful and satisfied too. It may not be the best or top results, but it was good enough for me. 

Pursuing Interests

Through attending the masters course, i realised that doing something I like do make a difference. The lecturer of the self-care module inspired me so much that I decided to take up something new - art. All along, I thought i have 0 interest in arts. Since young, my art and craft grade was not good too. Through part of my self-awareness efforts, I realised that actually I've been liking art and design since maybe during kindergarten age? I remembered I designed a tube dress and it was selected by my kindergarten teacher who praised me in front of the class that she liked my design the most. I even designed my own paper dolls and their clothings when I had not many toys to play with during my childhood. 

I started losing interest in art during my primary school times. Somehow, the thought of "art is not important" and "your art is mediocre" was ingrained into my mind. I don't know how it came about too. So slowly, I lose interest in arts. However, i realised that I was never giving it up. I designed our house renovation using some programme previously and showed it to our contractor to help with the reno despite not having any knowledge about art and design. In my work, I also like to think about designing subconsciously. 

So I decided to sign up for art lessons at the community centre nearby my house and started since January 2021. My art teacher asked me why did I joined the lesson. I told her I am interested to learn art and she looked unbelievable that a middle age woman like me, suddenly wanted to learn art. Although I have total 0 experience, but i enjoyed the times when I was drawing and colouring my art work. That feeling was so much in the "flow state", which means, time passes so fast without realise and in a zone of total focus. The feeling was just so good. If I got the time, I may share some of my drawings too. 

The next interest I wish to pursue will be music. I always wanted to learn playing piano since young. But I'm taking one step at a time for now. I shall focus on my art lessons first. Once I am comfortable with my learning pace, and if I have enough bandwidth, I may take up music lessons too. 

Confronting phobia 

As part of my self-awareness and reflection journey, I realised that the fear of swimming was incurred due to a traumatic incident (in my opinion) during my childhood. I was learning how to swim during my primary school swimming lessons. That incident I clearly remembered was when I hesitated to submerge my head into the waters, the instructor suddenly pushed my head into the waters giving me a shock of my life. He might have thought he was helping me to accelerate the learning process, but that seriously traumatised me. That feeling of not able to have any control of my will, and someone forced upon my head that I almost suffocated caused me much trauma I think. So much so that after that incident, i decided to withdraw from the swimming lesson and have phobia of swimming till now. 

I recalled before the incident, I also had a near death incident while swimming. I was almost drowned when I was swimming as my swimming ring came off that day if not remembered wrongly. Someone grabbed my hand and saved me. I remembered I was feeling terrified but that incident did not really traumatised me as much, as after that, I still continue to swim and even proceed to want to learn swimming. Upon reflection, I guess that the earlier almost drowning incident was due to accident, however what that instructor did was against my will and he did it unpredictably. This is quite an interesting issue for me. I wondered why some people may have experienced something similar, but it may not affect them so much. Perhaps I ought to learn more about trauma. 

Anyway, I decided to confront my phobia and face my deepest fear by taking up private swimming lessons together with my gal. As she likes swimming and also trying to learn swimming, so I thought it be good if both of us can learn together. I know I am a noob in swimming with much phobia, so taking group lessons will not be helpful for me. Thus private lessons is the way to go as it can benefit my gal too. It may be more expensive, but if it helps my gal to be able to learn swimming and I am able to overcome my lifelong phobia, it will be worth it. However, the private lessons had to halt due to the covid heighten alert measures and so most likely we can only resume the swimming lessons after the measures relieve which may take a long time. Anyway, I only started the lessons for 1 month plus before it halted. I can now swim with a swimming board, which is a good progress I think. But I'm not sure if I could eventually overcome my fears of swimming without the board. I got to keep trying I guess. 

My gal managed to swim without the board after 1 or 2 lessons. She is such a fast learner! She was happily swimming while trying to encourage and teaching me how to swim during the swimming lessons. It can be quite embarrassing for a 8 year old child to encourage/teach her mummy and not the other way round haha. But well, I accept my vulnerability and nothing to be ashamed about. I hope to be a role model to my gal too that it is ok to be not good in something, but at least I'm trying and learning to improve. 

Pursuing environmental friendly methods / low waste

I have been quite passionate about environmental concerns and climate change since my young age. I realised that all along, I have been quite reserved in my belief and kept to myself only. Upon experiencing covid-19 pandemic, it reinforced my belief that we human beings are destroying earth and if we don't take action now, our children will have to pay back for our deeds someday. Thus it affirmed my goal and mission of being environmentally conscious and taking action in whatever small capacity I have. Some of the things which I have done included: 

• Switching electricity subscription to Sun Seap 100% solar power. 

The plan may be slightly more expensive, but well, my house is now 100% solar powered.    

• Making enzymes with fruit waste/skins 

I used the enzymes as dish washing detergent, cleaning toilet, facial cleanser, fertilizer and insect repellent for my plants too.  

The enzymes are environmentally friendly and most importantly, it cleans very well without leaving much residues. Furthermore, I used lesser water to wash the dishes as it is not soapy. 

I grind the enzyme fruit skins remains after the fermentation process into very fine paste as my facial cleanser. It has good texture and quite good effects on my skin so far. 

• DIY facial products 

Did up my own concoction of facial oil to replace my commercially produce moisturizer. 

I used the facial oil after my cleansing process. The facial oil is a combination of essential oils concoction such as coconut oil, jojoba oil, castor oil, argan oil, lavender oil, tee tree oil and many others. 

• Some of these essential carrier oils such as coconut oil, jojoba oil and castor oil I can get it from zero waste shop like scoop to save on the packaging. Others essential oil I can use it for a very long time as it is only required for a few drops for each batch of concoction which lasted for 2-3 months for each batch. For instance, I bought a bottle of lavender oil many years ago but only used up half of it so far. Can still use for many more years.  
• The facial oil I made is not greasy and blend well with my skin. Not only it improves my skin quality, it helps with sun screen as well as I put in carrot seed oil and coconut oil which have natural sun screen qualities. It also helps with insect bites as I put in small doses of tea tree oil and neem oil. 
• A disclaimer that these essential oils must be mix with carrier oil with a good proportion as the oil usage by itself can be very strong and may have side effects. 
• I did some research to fine tune my concoction and so far, I'm quite happy with my current batch of concoction formula. 

• Step up efforts in BYO (bring your own). 
• I will try to bring own utensils,  cup, eco-friendly reusable food pack, grocery bag and etc when eating out or buying stuff to reduce disposable. It can be tough as the BYO culture is still not prevalent in Singapore. So when I tried to use my own things, people will look at me strangely. While it didn't really bother me, but sometimes, it can be embarrassing. 
• Also,  sometimes I forgot to bring out my BYO and ended up having to buy things with the plastic carriers and stuff which makes me feel bad about myself too. 
• Anyway, I tell myself to remember bringing next time and to keep trying until this BYO lifestyle is fully ingrained in me. It can be tough but got to keep trying. 

• Joined an environmental interest group as a volunteer
• As part of the interest group volunteer assignment task, I had wrote one article about overconsumption and its impact to earth. Felt so liberating to be able to write something I strongly believe in. 
• However, this environmental interest group seemed to die off after the tasks completion. 
• Therefore, I felt this environmental interest group seemed to be form due to the task assignment given. They did not really introduce the group members and organise regular getting together to discuss ways to advocate environmental friendly measures. 
• Therefore, I felt disappointed as I hope to interact more with like minded people. 
• But I guess this experience shall not deters me from joining other more suitable groups which I hope I can get to meet people who have similar beliefs and have more enlightened low-waste lifestyle which I can learn from them too.    

• Try out vegetarian diet
• I have tried out eating vegetarian meal about 2-3 days a week since a few months ago. I still cannot fully go vegetarian as I admit that I still like to eat meat. 
• I replaced some of the meat intake with Quorn products. So far their plant based meat products are the tastier I think. My gal like the Quorn chicken nuggets which tasted very close to chicken. So I think if they can come out with more tastier plant based meat options, I will definitely make a switch to them. 

• Using reusable sanitary pads.
• I tried to use the menstrual cup but it was really uncomfortable. So I decided to use the cloth sanitary pads which is much easier but the cleaning up needs some get used to. 
• I'm pleased to say that I am quite used to it already and been using it for the past 1 year. I have totally stopped buying disposable sanitary pads too for the past 1 year. 
• I think in this aspect, I have successfully make a switch to low waste. These cloth sanitary pads may last for many years if we take good care of it. In this process, we can cut down on using disposable pads every month. If more ladies can cut down on using disposable pads, it can reduce production, consumption and harmful waste to the environment with multiplier effects to help the environment too.  

• Low waste purchase
• I like to go "zero" waste shops such as Unpackt, Scoop and The Source Bulk Food to buy some of my groceries and toiletries such as cereal, cooking oil, soy sauce, shampoo, washing detergent, essential oils and many others during my “me time”. It’s part of my self care routine.
• It feels good to buy stuff bringing my own containers to save on the packaging. Hope to have more of these shops near my house. If I got time, I may review the differences between the 3 shops.  
• Although I like to visit these shops, but I am skeptical about the term "zero" waste. In reality, it is very tough to achieve zero waste even in these zero waste shops. For instance, Scoop giving out biodegradable gloves to shoppers going into their shops, but it still contribute to waste although it is termed biodegradable. 
• So I preferred to call it low waste and this is my goal to adopt low waste lifestyle. 

There are some more things I hope to try out such as: 

• Becoming a vegan
• Yes, becoming a vegan may be the way to go to further reduce my carbon footprint on earth. 
• It is a tough journey for me as I’m so used to eating meat and dairy products. But I have started making small steps such as having vegetarian days about twice a week. Slowly I shall transit to having more vegetarian days and eventually hopefully become a vegan.
• I had also look into my dairy eating habits and try out making plant based milk too such as cashew milk. It tasted not bad, but I'm too busy to make it a routine to make the milk regularly. 
• I need to think of a better way to make it easier to inculcate into my routine and lifestyle. 

• Achieving a low waste lifestyle eventually. 
• Meaning very minimal disposable stuff (perhaps the target of 1 bag of rubbish per week and eventually 1 bag of rubbish per month or per bi-yearly or per year something like that). 
• This is the hardest goal I think even for 1 bag of rubbish per week. Very hard as we are all too used to the conveniences in our life which are all disposables (e.g. tissues, toilet paper, plastic bags and etc). 
• Although this is tough, but have to continue to find ways to fine tune my lifestyle. I think I'm quite committed to this belief. 

• Creating youtube channel/tik tok/blog to help share the low waste living lifestyle if possible. 
• If I can master low waste living life style and able to sustain it, I would like to share it with others. Hopefully more people who are also pondering in this can join this lifestyle or come out with more creative ideas to share to reducing waste to help our earth too. 
• I'm not sure how to go about doing it, but this is something I'm interested to try out. 

There are so many things I like to do and try out. I think I have evolved into my next phrase of my life to pursue my passion, interest and develop my spiritual self. Material things no longer interest me. I think I may be progressing to the stage of self actualisation. It is a constant learning and fulfilment process. I’m thankful for what I have 🙏🏻