Some updates

It's been such a long time I updated this blog....Many things had happened, the good and the bad. Some of the memorable things that I had done during this long 8 months:

Trips
1. Perth trip
I went for a Perth trip in Jan15 for 1 week with my mom, cousin, aunt and my little gal. Bb did not went as he couldn't take leave. This was the first time ever we went for a trip together with my aunt and cousin. And it is also the first time my mom went to an Angmoh country and of course first time my gal took a flight of 4-5hours.

I did self-drive and it was fun. I really love driving but too bad cars in SG were so expensive. Yes, our trip were all ladies and we went free and easy without joining any tour and that's the most fun of it. If I got the time, I may share my trip.

2. Thailand trip
I went Bangkok and Huahin with bb and my gal sometime in Feb15 for about 10 days. It was an ok trip. May share more if got the time.

3. KL and Genting trip
BB, my gal and I went to KL and Genting in June during June school holidays for about 1 week. It was quite a nice trip and we managed to spend < $1000 for the whole trip for the 3 of us including transport, hotel and everything! Very worthwhile and I hope to share more if possible.

Little gal education
1. LICDO schoolhouse
I enrolled my gal to LICDO schoolhouse in Mar15 as we were busy travelling during Jan-Feb15. It is a childcare centre which she can stay for half or full day. Initially I thought I can leave her in the childcare then I can go back to work. I think I was too ambitious and miscalculated. She was too young to cope in the childcare centre and I couldn't bear to see her crying everyday even though I know it was an adjustment period.

In the end, I withdrew her from the childcare. The centre itself is good, teachers friendly and I like that it is non-aircon. But I was thinking since I am not working so why am I subjecting her to all these. I quilted from my job previously was to spend more time with her so this is defeating the purpose. The centre manager is a very nice and understanding lady who allowed me to withdraw and even suggested for me to put her in playgroup so she can get to mingle with other kids and at the same time shorter duration. Heeding her advice, I enrolled my gal to a playgroup near to my house which I am going to share later.

2. Talentplus Playgroup
It was really pure luck that I managed to enroll her into the playgroup. The playgroup was always full. But that day after bringing her back from the childcare centre, I thought maybe I should try my luck. I was lucky to bump into the teacher in charge and coincidently they have a few vacancies. I quickly signed up for my gal. It was a 2 hours session but the timing and duration was what I wanted. Initially she cried everyday as well but after a few days she calmed down realising that I be always there to bring her home. I may review the Talentplus playgroup separately if I got time.

Big Spring Cleaning
I did some spring cleaning and managed to clear away 50% of my excess items by donating, giving it away or selling it using Carousell. Carousell is really a great app. Besides selling away items which I don't need anymore, I get to buy items I wanted at a value price too. I am quite pleased with myself.

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The above events are some of the better happenings during this 8 months. Sad to say, I encountered a major event which changed my life. I went through a down phrase and perhaps still in it.

I don't wish to elaborate what I had went through, but things are not the same as before anymore.

I actually spending less and less time doing the classroom activities with my gal which I am feeling guilty about it. Previously I was full of plans what I will do with her and plan my daily activities. But I am doing less of it and I am losing focus of what I need to do everyday.

I am thankful to have my love ones supporting me. But I felt so guilty too feeling that I did not contribute much. My confidence and esteem is slowly depleting. I no longer cares how I look. Nowadays I don't even mind people called me "auntie". I am feeling really dejected and down. I think this is one of my downiest moment in my life.

I know I cannot keep going at this rate and something is not right. I need to pull myself together again for the sake of my gal.

Perhaps the only console is my gal. Seeing her progressing and growing up everyday. She is my joy and sunshine. I don't regret giving up my career for her and spending more time with her. In fact, I hope to be a full time mother for her until she go to Primary school.

But recently I am feeling extremely insecure about the economy outlook and got the urge to go back to work. I hope to earn more for my gal future education and my retirement needs. However, I think with the 1 year break from work, I somehow lose the confidence. I don't know how I can regain it, but I think I got to try.

I'm in a loss of what I want to do and I need to think through it what I want to achieve in my life.

Pray for me.